Abusive Relationship? It Could Be You.

The sad thing about an abusive relationship is that very often, the person being abused doesn't realize it till very late.

Abusive behavior sneaks up on you insidiously and one fine day, you wake up feeling stifled and afraid in a relationship.

Maybe you aren't in a situation like that but you know someone close to you who is. If you do begin to suspect that you are in a relationship that is abusive, you need help.

Let’s look at the way most relationships begin. There’s never any sign of abuse. The changes can come over a long period of time so one doesn't really notice it till it suddenly stares you in the face.

In most cases, the abuser is a control freak and he or she slowly takes over control – whether it is physically, financially, emotionally or socially.

The shift is almost like a slow programming of the other person’s mind till the total control factor is in place.

This is very often when the abuser shows his or her hand and that’s also very often when the abused person starts realizing that there is something terribly wrong.

By the time, there has usually been an erosion of self-confidence that the abused person in many instances is made to believe it is their fault.

Now why did I say he or she? Contrary to what most of us like to believe, women can also be very abusive in relationships and the man can be totally under her thumb in most matters. Mental and verbal abuse can be as cruel and as demeaning as physical abuse.

How can you tell if you are in an abusive relationship? Well, for one thing your partner could be cutting you off from all your friends and family and making you choose. He could try his best to cause a rift between you and the other people you love.

This is in order to isolate you so you don't have too many people to fall back on once the abuse starts. The other area is money. The abuser usually likes total control over the money because this is one way of ensuring that it is hard for you to get up and walk out.

It is also a way of making sure who takes the important decisions – the one who holds the purse strings has the power. Of course, the physical factor is also prevalent – more than most of us know.

It could just start as rough play and progress to violence. Sadly, the person who is abused is made to feel that she brought it on herself so she keeps quiet and doesn't talk about it.

This is not to say that a one-off loss of control means you are in an abusive relationship – we are all human and tend to lose it at times.

However, if you feel scared and under confident all the time, chances are that maybe you are being abused and it is time to talk to a professional. A domestic violence center or a local women’s shelter that is close to you would be an ideal place to start.