Does Your Relationship Spell Long-Term?

When you are in love, it’s the loveliest thing in the world like all the old songs and the love poems and candlelight, wine and roses. Very often, we think we have met our soul mates – there is such a strong feeling of connection and like every couple before us, we feel this one is forever like all those fairytale stories and the ‘happily ever after’ ending.

However, in the light of common day, where fairytales end is where real life begins. Marriages they say are made in heaven...well, they are lived out here on earth against the cold harsh backdrop of reality.

There are no guarantees that it is going to last and that really is the only guarantee there is. Things could go hopelessly wrong right in the beginning or there could be a break up after years of happiness.

The trouble is, we expect so much of romance that is a reflection of what we read in the books. The love stories always have that massive dose of passion, of moonlight and roses, of serenades, of heartbeats that are way over the prescribed limit. Does the flame of so much passion act as a self destructing force? Does what start with a bang burn itself into nothingness leaving the taste of ashes in your mouth?

Perhaps what is needed for a relationship to last is not to expect so much romance. Very often we find that a lack of romance is what is cited as a cause for romance. ‘Oh, we've grown apart.’ ‘Well, there’s no feeling left.’ Are these reasons enough to give up on a relationship?

For a relationship to stand the test of time, there has to be less of expectation and more of acceptance. There also has to be a great degree of objectivity. Once you step back a little, you will probably be able to see more clearly and assess why a relationship would be good for you to stay in.

Objectivity is only possible once the flame of romance with its highly subjective characteristic burns less bright. True, every soul yearns for romance but you also have to be realistic to see how to carry the relationship forward once the romance has abated. You have to be mature enough to accept the fact that it will.

In the long run, compatibility and being comfortable with each other is probably more important. No, you don't need to put out that spark of romance. Ignite it and keep it burning but don't let it burn so brightly that it consumes you and your love for each other. The slow burning coals of liking and affection are infinitely more suited to the longevity of a relationship.