Stages of Love

Stages of Love
Robert Elias Najemy

Love is like the gold ore that is brought up from the earth; it
is mixed with other metals (emotions, needs, and fears). Our job
is to purify that gold as we seek to love unconditionally in all
of our relationships, regardless of the others’ behaviors. Only
then we will be truly happy.

1. On the first level, we "love" the other because he or she
offers us security. If he or she stops offering us this security
or starts offering it to others, we are very likely to feel hurt,
angry and jealous. Thus, our love is based on the condition of
this specific agreement that the other will provide us the
feeling of security. When we say to this person, "I love you,"
what we actually mean is, "I need you in order to feel secure. I
feel insecure without you."

2. At the second level, we "love" the other because he or she
provides us with various forms of pleasure, comfort or
satisfaction. If he or she stops providing these pleasures to us
or offers them to others, we lose our feelings of "love" and
often feel hurt, anger and bitter. When we say to this person, "
I love you," what we really mean is, "I love the pleasure you
give me."

3. At the third level, we "love" the other because he or she, in
some way, affirms us, perhaps by obeying us, needing us, agreeing
with us, or praising us. If this changes, our feelings change. We
need this person in order to feel our power or self worth.

4. At the fourth level, we begin for the first time to experience
selfless love for a person regardless of how he or she behaves.
There is still, however, the condition that this is a specific
person, usually a child or parent. We love this person even if he
or she doesn’t provide us with security, satisfaction or
affirmation, but we do not feel this for all persons.

5. Then at the fifth level, we begin to feel universal selfless
love in which we love more and more people unconditionally,
regardless of how they behave. At this level, we are often
motivated to participate in some type of social work serving
those in need.

6. At the sixth level, we experience spiritual love where our
love is for the soul that is temporarily expressing itself
through the personality. We are not attached to the personality
and are not fearful concerning its various changing states,
including death, for we realize that the body and personality are
not the real being, but simply instruments of expression.

7. At the level of divine love, we no longer experience
separateness from anyone. We are the consciousness in all beings
around us. There is the experience of total unity with all. Jesus
Christ was experiencing this Divine love when he said, "I am in
you and you are in me. I am in the Father and the Father is in
me."

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years
of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so
over the Internet. Over 600 free articles, lectures, relaxation
and positive projection as mp3 audio. Become a life coach. At
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/