What is Real Love? Part 1

By Angelove

PROBLEMS ON MARRIAGES OF TODAY:

1. More than 50% of marriages end up in divorces.

2. The remaining couples may not all be happy though they stay in the marriage.

3. The chance of having a happy marriage is less than 33%, if you follow the way how average people handle their datings and marriages.

4. The media (books, movies, dramas, newspaper...) has been delivering a wrong concept about love.

5. Problems of stalking before and after marriages (or divorces).


DEFINITIONS OF LOVE:

1. Simple Infatuation: is often called a "crush" or "puppy love." It commonly strikes those in the early teens or younger. Usually the object of infatuation is some highly idealized person who is some years older - a teacher, an uncle or aunt, a friend of the family, an actor or actress. Simple infatuation seldom lasts long. But infatuated people may be greatly moved with emotion. They spend much time in daydreams and wishful fantasies.


2. Romantic Infatuation: is often called "romantic love" or simply "love." It is a mix of sex and emotion - not genuine love at all. It will not of itself support a marriage. It also leads to idealizing the person, having a much stronger sex interest in each other, and justifying a premature marriage. Romantic infatuation is therefore very dangerous because people will easily fool themselves to act out their intense feelings and sex urges. Romantic infatuation is "false love," but it may develop into real love, but it will take a lot of time.


3.Sex Interest: is a deep biological drive that seeks some erotic expression. It is possible for people to enjoy sex with someone, yet have absolutely no other interest in them except sensual satisfaction.


4. Real Love: exists when your strong tender feelings for the other are balanced by reason and deep respect. You care just as much for the other person's welfare and fulfillment as you do for your own. Judgements about the person are quite objective and rational. The two of you have many values and ideas in common. You share similar goals and ideals. All these factors will probably be able to support and sustain a happy relationship over a long period of time. If you're infatuated, your emotions will be in charge. In real love, your reason is ruling your emotions. However, REAL LOVE and ROMANTIC INFATUATION are easily confusing people because they have one thing in common - strong feelings of attachment to the other person. Moreover, people in real love have some degree of infatuation and infatuated people have some degree of real love.


FACTS ABOUT LOVE AND INFATUATION

1. Many divorces and unhappy marriages have roots of infatuation and sex interest only.

2. Most youth are not sure what real love is.

3. Age and maturity give no immunity of infatuation.

4. Teen marriages have twice the risk that they will end in divorces.

5. Living together and have sex before marriage have tougher times to adjust after marriage.

6. One-sided loves won't work.

7. The following people are far more likely to have good marriage:

- Your parents are happy in their marriage

- You had a happy childhood

- There was a lack of conflict with mother

- There was a lack of conflict with father

- Home discipline was firm but not harsh

- You had a strong attachment to your mother

- You had a strong attachment to your father

- Your parents were frank with you about sex

- Your childhood punishment was infrequent and mild

- You have an expectant, positive attitude toward sex that is free from disgust or distaste.


Even if all of these factors are negative, you can still build a good marriage. But you will have to work harder and be more careful in your mate choice.

8. Good Marriages need to have these five types of love:

- Strong sex interest: strong erotic feelings for each other

- Respect and admiration: hold each other in high regard

- Friendship and fellowship: have many things in common

- Self-giving devotion: love in spite of each other's faults

- Affection: a shoulder to cry on when our burdens are too heavy to bear alone.


 
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